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I went to the movies alone yesterday. I felt awkward. I went to see Captain America 2. It was good. I've planned other solo trips on th Saturday's I'm off. I won't go during "date" time. I'd really feel like a goober. Next time I might buy some expensive popcorn and a drink.

I've come to realize that guys don't want to date me, they only want sex. I don't portray myself in such a way but I guess boys will be boys. I've been super lonely lately and very frustrated with things at home. No matter how much I cry and call out to God, I just can't seem to get any help. I guess I have to hire a professional for the work I need done. How I'm going to pay for it I have no idea.

I haven't been talking to anyone these past few days. Mike has put me on suicide watch but he was in my same situation not long ago. He sat at home crying and shutting people out because he couldn't find a girlfriend but now that it's me, I just have to deal with it. The nerve of some people.

I don't want to be 45 and still waiting but since I know how to be single That's something I'm very good at. A relationship might throw me off. But seriously,love is something I want to experience. Relationship, living together, getting married, having kids. That's what I've wanted since elementary school and I'm still waiting God. STILL WAITING!!

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January 2017

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