Sylvia (rebmeced) wrote,

I'm having a bad night. I'm so depressed right now. My co-worof kers invited me to the water park today's but I couldn't go since I was on my period.They're probably going to quit inviting me to places but I hope not. A lot of times I just don't have the extra money to go.

Right now i just want someone to comfort me.I want to go out on a date. I'm relationshipd of being single and doing things on my own all the time. I've heard Iyanla say that women marry their daddies but I don't want to go that route. My dad has always been there. He's always provided for us, but when it came to making decisions my mama had to do it. It's like she was independent in a marriage. I don't want that for myself. My dad was never affectionate. I don't remember him ever hugging me or my mama.I have seen one picture of them kissing. So what have I learned about men from him? I want a provider but I want so much more that he didn't give me.

Why is it so hard for me to find somebody? I've been on most of these bogus dating me they're a joke. why cant i meet a cute nice guy traditionally? I've been praying so hard to meet the man I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with. It's just so depressing to always spend my time alone. I'm trying to be happy and content with being single but am I wrong with wanting to spend my time with someone? I don't want to be 45 or 50 still talking about I'm waiting for a man to come in my life.

Sometimes I feel I'm not good enough or skinny enough or pretty enough to get the type of man I want. Every guy I'm attracted to has the type of female that looks like a model. So what type of man do I always attract? Men that I'm not attracted to, don't have a job, car or anything going for them. Why can't I get the handsome guy with the great job, car, goals, his own place.

I've been thanking God everyday for my husband and kids. I'm trying to think positive and have faith of a mustard seed that he's going to allow me to have that soon. How much longer do I have to wait? I'm always the girl that never has anybody. Other people my age have children in college or grandkids and I haven't even gotten started with a serious relationship yet People think I'm lying when I tell them that but it's the truth. I'm 40 yrs old and I've never had a serious relationship
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